Kristina Furey

Entry VI of The List


Jenny cautiously enters the ballroom and looks around.

There are tables set for lunch. 

There is a podium in the room with a banner behind it that reads, “Save The Turtles.”

A woman is making a beeline for Jenny.  It is BRIDGET THOMPSON.

BRIDGET:  Jenny! (She hugs Jenny and plants a kiss on her cheek.  Jenny stands motionless and speechless.)  I’m so glad you could make it.  Bridget Thompson, Elsa Vanderhoof’s,  secretary.  We spoke on the phone.  (She looks Jenny up and down.)  I see Tara did well by you.

JENNY:  Thank you.

BRIDGET:  (She looks Jenny over again, as if she’s perplexed.) So…


BRIDGET:  You saved a turtle.

JENNY:  I did.

BRIDGET:  Well Elsa wants to commend you and give you a Reptilitarian award.

Jenny mouths reptilitarian.

BRIDGET:  If you make an acceptance speech you’ll have to keep it down to a minute and a half. 

JENNY:  Speech?  I didn’t know I would need to make a speech.

BRIDGET:  Oh no, it’s not necessary that you make one but you could, if you wanted.  Just keep it down to a minute and a half.

JENNY:  How did you know I saved a turtle?

BRIDGET:  It was in the tattler.

JENNY:  The what, how did they find (pause) Oh, my!  Well so, you just believed what they said?

BRIDGET:  Um hmmm.

JENNY:  Everything?

BRIDGET:  Those Tattler reporters are better at spying and validating their information then our F.B.I. or C.I.A., put together.

ELSA:  Now what’s this about the C.I.A., is someone charging me with being a commie supporter again?  (She’s drinking a glass of wine.)

BRIDGET:  Oh, no ma’am.  We were just discussing the Tattler magazine.

ELSA:  Oh yes, juicy, aren’t you a naughty one.  Seducing Brandon Deveraux.  Rowl!  (She makes a cat snarl noise.) Come now, (to Bridget) How come her hand is empty?  (She snaps her fingers at a server.)  She needs a drink.

JENNY:  Uh, ah, no, that’s not, (A server comes over with a tray of drinks.  Jenny takes one.)  Thank you.  (She smiles politely.)

ELSA:  Cheers!  (She clinks her glass to Jenny’s.)  Well, drink, drink!

Jenny looks at Bridget Thompson.

Bridget Thompson stares back blankly at Jenny.

Jenny takes a drink.

ELSA:   (Clanking a huge diamond ring against her glass to get everyone’s attention.)  Everybody!  Shhh  (She holds her pointer finger to her lips and drops her voice.)  I want you all to meet my new friend and fellow Reptilitarian.  (She puts her arm around Jenny and whispers.)  What’s your name?

JENNY:  Jenny, Jenny Mattise.

ELSA:  Jenny Mattise!  Garcon, another round for my friends.



Elsa is standing at the podium.

ELSA:  And this month’s Reptilitarian award goes to, Jenny Matisse!

People applaud

Jenny steps up to the podium and microphone.

JENNY:  (tipsy)  Thank you, I’m so honored.  I mean, I feel , so honored to be here.  I’d like to thank you all.  Oh, wait, I already said that.  And I want to think, ah thank, thank, that cute little turtle.  I’d just like to kiss his cute little turtle nose.



Jenny’s speech is continuing

JENNY:  (Slumped over the podium.)  Turtles have feelings, just because they hide in those hard shells and (Jenny pauses a second and just stares.)

Bridget is waving, trying to get Jenny’s attention.

JENNY:  Aren’t we all like… Yes, hi, hi,  (She waves to Bridget.)  Oh, gosh!  How many minutes has it been?

Bridget puts up five fingers. 

JENNY:  (She puts up one finger, in a wait a minute gesture.)  I’ll get to your question in a minute but first;  Can anybody tell me where the bathroom is?



Jenny walks in and sees Juliette Carter washing up at the sink.

JENNY:  (Pointing to Juliette) You?  Do you live here?

JULIETTE:  Excuse me!  (Juliette turns around and recognizes Jenny.)  Oh, wait a minute, you’re Jenny.  You wash up good.  I didn’t recognize you.  So how are things going with Brandon?

JENNY:  Oh, Brandon!  (Jenny begins to cry.)  He is so great and the best kisser.  You know he told me he wants me to stay.  I mean he wants me to stay.  (She smiles)  I think I could love him.  He makes me feel like, like,   (She gets a sick look on her face.)  I’m gonna puke!  (She runs into a stall and throws up.)

Juliette walks in behind her and holds up her hair.

JULIETTE:  I think somebody had a little too much to drink.  How yah feel honey?

JENNY:  Better, I think I’m done now.  (She throws up again.)

JULIETTE:  I’ll get you a cold compress for your head.  (She grabs a paper towel and runs it under the faucet.)

Jenny comes out of the stall.

Juliette hands Jenny the cold compress, then dials a number on her phone.

JULIETTE:  Hi, yes, I need a cab.



Juliette gets Jenny into a cab and pays the driver.

JENNY:   Thank you again.  You’re like my guardian angel.

Juliette hands Jenny a plastic bag.

JENNY:  And the light bounces off of your shiny perfect hair like a halo.  (To the driver)  Hi, I need to get to this address.  (She fishes through her purse and pulls out a little piece of paper.)  This address.  (She hands it to the driver.  She sniffs and wrinkles her face up like something stinks.  She moves her nose around like she’s trying to figure out where the odor is coming from.  She mouths, “Smells like puke.”)



Jenny walks down the dock towards a sailboat with a SAILING INSTRUCTOR.

INSTRUCTOR:  Have you ever sailed before?

JENNY:  Yes, in a two-person boat at summer camp, when I was thirteen.

INSTRUCTOR:  Well, here we are.  We’ll be boarding on the port side.

They board

INSTRUCTOR:  That over there is the starboard side.

JENNY:  Okay, left side is port and right…

INSTRUCTOR:  No, it doesn’t work that way.  There is no left.

JENNY:  Excuse me, maybe we shouldn’t go out today.


JENNY:  I’m feeling kinda pukish.

INSTRUCTOR:  Oh, you’ll get over that.  That’s a typical feeling but we’re not even moving so you won’t get…

Jenny vomits over the starboard side of the boat.

INSTRUCTOR:  Well now, feel better?

JENNY:  Can I take a rain check?

INSTRUCTOR:  All right, but first tell me, what side of the boat did you upchuck on?

Jenny runs to get off the boat and ends up vomiting off of the port side as well.

JENNY:  Uh, that would be both sides?

INSTRUCTOR:  Good enough.



Jenny is asleep on the couch.

The phone rings.

Jenny looks around.

It rings again.

She runs to the kitchen to answer it.


JENNY:  (Picks up the phone.)  Hello?  Oh, hi Brandon.  (pause) I’m not sure.  I’m embarrassed to say it but I got drunk.  (pause)  Every time I turned around Elsa was making another toast or saying, “Garcon, Garcon, another drink for my friend.  With the way I feel, I’d hate to see how she’d treat her enemies.  (pause)  Yes,  (pause)  No, trust me;  I don’t plan on having another drink for a long time.  (pause)  Okay, bye.  (Jenny opens the refrigerator, and then grabs her stomach.)  Uh, maybe not.  (She goes and lies back down on the couch.) 



Jenny is sleeping on the couch.  Someone is knocking on the front door.  The doorbell rings. Jenny wakes up and looks around.  It rings again.  She gets up and heads towards the door.

JENNY:  Alright, alright, I’m coming!

There’s another knock.

Jenny answers it.

It is Sophie.

SOPHIE:  have you seen this?

Jenny’s picture is on the cover next to a picture of Brandon.

JENNY:  Oh my gosh!  (She looks past Sophie to see if anyone else is around or watching.)  Come in.

SOPHIE:  (Reading the caption under Jenny’s picture) “ Who is this party girl, Jenny Matisse?”  (She reads the caption under Brandon’s picture)  “And will she be the next Mrs.  Deveraux?”  (She hands the paper to Jenny.)  You got any coffee?  (She doesn’t wait for an answer;  she just heads back to the kitchen.)

JENNY:  Um, no, but, I don’t know, but, maybe I can find some and…

SOPHIE:  No, you read, I’ll take care of the coffee.

Jenny follows Sophie to the kitchen.  Sophie gets the coffee and starts making it.

JENNY:  Oh, so that’s where the coffee is.

SOPHIE:  Read!

JENNY:  “Well if she has her way, she will and a close source has told us Brandon has already asked her to stay close to his side.”  How do they know?  How do they?  (pause)  It’s like they read our minds or something?  (She peeks out the window, and then looks suspiciously at Sophie.)

SOPHIE:  Don’t look at me.  I warned you.

JENNY:  You what?

SOPHIE:  Why do you think I was so careful about the rules I gave you when you first got here?  I could size you up in two seconds and realize you can’t handle fame.  Anyone can see through your thin skin.  Even Rebecca told me you were too weak (pause)  only, she felt sorry for you.

JENNY:  What do you?  What are you talking about?  No, you’re lying!  You told me Rebecca never spoke of me, so which is it?

SOPHIE:  Some, most people, do not know how to handle fame.  You must know whom you are and what you want to accomplish and be committed to it, or you must be willing to give up who you are and become whatever the public wills.  You’ve opened Pandora’s box.  Read and you’ll see.  There is no putting the lid back on.  They’ve got a whole dossier on you.

JENNY:  “Jenny was spotted on Rodeo Drive, looking at wedding dresses.”  Oh my gosh if Brandon reads this… This is not true!

SOPHIE:  You know it’s just a matter of time.  Nice high school picture, by the way,  (whispered) page three. 

JENNY:  Oh my, it was artistic expression at the time.  (She reads)  Paul Barber, a high school what?  High maintenance diva?”  Ouu, as if.  I never dated him.  (pause)  And this one.  I don’t even know who she is, “Sarah Humphrey.  Stalker?”  (She starts to cry.)  How can I face anybody let alone Brandon?

SOPHIE:  There’s no making it go away.  Even worse, it won’t be long before they start comparing you to Vicky.

Jenny stares blankly at Sophie.

SOPHIE:  Victoria

Jenny tilts her head to the side and quizzically stares. 

SOPHIE:  Walton!

JENNY:  Well, wah, well why would they compare me to Brandon’s wife? 

SOPHIE:  It’s the nature of the beast.  They were such a power couple and well loved by the public. 

JENNY:  Maybe I, I shouldn’t see him anymore.  I, I don’t, He shouldn’t have to be judged in the media.  I’m not worth that! 

SOPHIE:  (She reaches in her purse and pulls out a ticket.)  I bought you a ticket.  (She waves the ticket.)  In case you want to go home.  (She walks towards Jenny with the ticket.)  I figured if you did you wouldn’t want to be spotted and harassed.  (She holds the ticket out to Jenny.)

JENNY:  Thank you.  (She takes the ticket and looks down at it.)

SOPHIE:  Coffee?  (She holds out a mug to Jenny.)

Jenny sniffs, looks up and nods her head yes.

Sophie hands her the coffee.

Jenny places the ticket and coffee down on the counter.  Grabs a napkin and dabs at her eyes and nose.  She closes the magazine and tries to hand it back to Sophie.

Sophie stares at jenny and makes no moves towards taking the magazine back.

JENNY:  (Looking down at the magazine.)  Did you want this back?

SOPHIE:  Are you done reading it?

JENNY:  (Jenny’s eyes dart up and make eye contact with Sophie and then go back to the magazine.)  I don’t need to read anymore.

SOPHIE:  You can keep it.

JENNY:  (With her eyes still on the magazine, she nods her head and closes her eyes.  She sniffs.  Her arm moves up and down twice with the magazine and she nods her head again.)  Well then, let me put it where it belongs.  (She drops it in the trash, and then picks up the ticket, which she laid next to the phone book.  She stares at the phone book a moment and then back at the ticket.)

Sophie is cleaning up the coffee stuff.

JENNY:  (Looks at the clock.)  I need to go.

SOPHIE:  You’ve got time.

JENNY:  No, there is no time!  (She grabs a sticky note stuck in the phone book.)

SOPHIE:  Okay, calm down, just a second.  Do you want to pack your stuff or should I…

JENNY:  Here!  (She hands back the ticket.)

SOPHIE:  What?

JENNY:  I don’t need it, I’m not going home!  (She walks towards the back door off the kitchen.)

SOPHIE:  That’s brave of you to stay but is it worth it?

JENNY:  (She stops at the door and pauses.)  I don’t know, I don’t know!  Is anything certain?

SOPHIE:  (monotone)  Taxes and death  (with more expression)  but how does…

JENNY:  (opens the door and stops in the doorway.)  Wait, something’s wrong.

SOPHIE:  What?

JENNY:  Where’s the car?  Ouu!  Elsa!  (She looks back at Sophie)  Look, could you give me a ride?  I think, I left the car at the hotel.

Sophie studies Jenny.

JENNY:  It’s a long story and one I’m sure you’d disapprove of, that is, if I could remember all of it to tell you.  But I do need a ride.





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